Taking Pause: The Most Essential Step in Softening Into Your Life
Oftentimes in life, we face moments that feel like we’re spiraling downward—grasping for something to hold onto, with no choice but to continue on the path we’re on. However, no matter how overwhelming or stressful these moments may feel, stillness is always available. Here’s your permission to pause and a reminder that, in this life, we can always change our minds.
Returning to your breath
Even when it feels like everything is crumbling around us, we can still return home to ourselves through the simplest of means. Whatever is arising—whether internal struggles or external circumstances—our breath is our greatest tool for regrounding. In turn, it clears our minds so we can navigate forward with ease. When life hits hard, instead of getting swept up in the chaos and accepting what you don’t prefer, take a pause. Shift your focus to your breath and allow your emotions to move through your body before taking the next step.
Hitting the pause button
Let’s set the stage: a common life event has occurred. Conflict, grief, fear, or anger is rising. Whether you tend to fight, flee, or fawn, most of the time, our standard ways of handling situations don’t aid our growth or our journey toward living our most preferred lives. Often, these situations arise like wildfires—one spark can quickly burn bridges, leaving us looking back in regret or wondering where it all went wrong. The turning point comes at the very beginning: the moment we react instead of responding.
With practice, when a dysregulating event happens, you’ll find it easier to pause, despite the racing thoughts and overwhelming emotions. It’s as simple as taking a beat—90 seconds. This brief moment allows the storm to begin subsiding, giving you space to respond in a way that aligns with your true values. That way, no matter what happens, you can move forward without regret.
Actively Choosing Stillness
It's a common path to be swayed by our emotions and allow them to override everything else. While we are not in control of the emotions within our bodies, we are entirely responsible for how we respond to them. It’s becoming increasingly clear how few of us were ever taught to emotionally regulate ourselves. In this society, we were taught to feel ashamed of our emotions and to turn to external vices and validation from others. This leads us to a mindset of needing to control the actions of those around us, when, in reality, the most important thing we can focus on is regulating ourselves despite the actions of others. This is an active practice—to choose stillness.
In stillness, we find our true desires and preferences. Through stillness, we can communicate our wants, needs, and feelings clearly. By pausing, we can honor our emotions and build trust with ourselves. It’s through this process that we find a home within our own bodies and reclaim our power to shape our realities. When you allow the current of your emotions to flow around you and choose to remain sturdy and still, the observations of others will sway you less and less.
Respond—even when others are reacting
Once you master the art of the pause, you’ll notice how quickly others react and blame their emotions or external circumstances. It’s a very human thing to do. You must let them, and remain focused on taking the time you need to respond in alignment with yourself. You cannot carry the responsibility for the emotions and actions of others. Give the burden back to them, and keep your focus on navigating your life in a way that is true to your most authentic self.
You’ll find that many use their emotions as a weapon or as a tool to manipulate those around them, all for the sake of their own comfort. This is what many of us were taught, but there are other ways to live. In your pause, it’s imperative that your priority is your own truth, happiness, and well-being—while also considering how something made you feel and understanding all perspectives equally. If you're basing your response on attempts to change another person, take an extra beat. You’re teetering into the territory of emotional manipulation. Ask yourself what need you’re trying to fulfill in controlling others.
In turn, the more grounded you are in your truth, and the better you get at pausing and responding, the harder it becomes for others to manipulate you.
The power of the pause
Choosing stillness isn’t about avoiding life’s challenges—it’s about reclaiming your power to respond with intention and authenticity. By mastering the pause, you can break free from the emotional cycles that drain you and stay true to yourself, no matter how others react. It takes practice, but the more you choose to ground yourself in stillness, the more you’ll discover the freedom to navigate life on your own terms. Remember, you are the one in control of your response, and with each pause, you move closer to living a life that’s aligned with your deepest values.
